Your Grief Matters

Death of a spouse… When my husband Jack died, I thought I had died too. For forty years we were never apart, we were best friends as well as husband and wife. What would I do now without him? When your name was recommended to me by a friend, I had doubts that you (or anybody else) could help me. In fact, now I know that I didn’t really want to be helped, I just wanted to wallow in my grief and sadness and feel sorry for myself. I missed him so much! But you showed me that life does not stop when your husband dies, that there are still kids and grandchildren and old friends who care about me, and new friends whom I have met who also care about me. You taught me the secret of grief recovery-I didn’t die, only he did, and so I still have lots of living to do. Of course I still miss him, and I think of him all the time. But now I don’t break down and cry every time I mention his name, like I used to. For all this, I thank you. ---Jennie, New York, NY

Divorce… Thank you again for your gifts, dear Rabbi Glazer. You have the gift of wisdom, of always knowing the right thing to say, but more important the gift of always knowing the right questions to ask. When my husband left me, I was devastated; I thought my life was over. I felt abandoned, cheated, and lost. You gently led me to a safe place, a place of hope and love, and I will always treasure you for that. You helped me “say goodbye” to my former husband, to all the pain and abuse and degradation. I never thought it was possible, but it was, thanks to you. I have moved on in my life, recently remarried and have never been happier. ---Wendy, Miami, FL

Death of a parent… Rabbi Glazer was very supportive to me and my family when my father recently died. He was so very kind and calming, he listened to anything and everything I had to say; my hopes and dreams as well as my doubts and my fears. He is such an effective counselor because he listens before he speaks; but when he speaks, his words carry gentle warmth and even godliness. Although I had known him less than 2 weeks, his support was most comforting to me and my family at such a very difficult time for us. It seemed as if I had known him for years. He made my father's death less painful, and he will always be “our family’s” friend and healer. ---Susan, Miami, FL

Death of a child… Mel, everyone says that the death of a child is the absolute worst experience that parents could ever go through, and they are right. Our son Jonathan had leukemia for two years, and although during that time we knew in our hearts what the end would be, we tried not to think about it. We packed it away in a side compartment so that we could stay strong to help our son. When he finally died, you were there to comfort and console us, just as you were there during his illness. You were the rock that we leaned on for support. All throughout those two years, you spoke to us about the preciousness of life, about how even in the face of death we had to remember to look for our life-blessings. As we looked upon our son’s face just after he died, it was you who reminded us to say “goodbye” to him, to thank him for all he had given us, to apologize to him for whatever we might have said or not have said that had hurt him, and to forgive him as well. As we kissed him for the last time, we knew that we had no regrets, that we had helped him live his life to the fullest, for as much time as he had. Thank you for taking us on the journey. Even in his death, Jonathan gave us life, and so did you. ---Jackie, NJ

Creating The New You… Thank you for feeling comfortable enough with me to allow me to share with you my hopes, dreams and aspirations, to cry the tears that I could not cry when I should have during my earlier years, to be vulnerable and risk saying all those “forbidden thoughts” that we all have inside of us. You were totally accepting of me and of all that I told you about my life’s failures and successes. I am honored by that, and we will continue to talk. ---Susan R, Surfside, FL

AIDS… Thanks for your thoughts. Today, I replaced grief with hopefulness. Last week, my son -- an 18 year survivor of AIDS, went into renal failure. As I sat with him in the hospital, I imagined a life without him and knew that I was not prepared to lose him even after the gift of the 18 years I have had him. I prayed as deeply and intensely as I knew how; I enlisted the prayers of friends whom I imagined to be more spiritually connected. And, the next day, his kidneys began to work. We have not felt out of danger until today when his Doctor suggested that his bouts of exhaustion were his body's way to heal itself. Yesterday, he welcomed food for the first time. It looks as if it is possible to hope for his full recovery and more time! My heart breaks for those mothers who have not been spared as I have. Thanks for your words of hope and healing. ---Marissa, Atlanta GA

As A Healer… I have so enjoyed having you as my rabbi and my friend. I have never had a rabbi reach out to me in the way you have and I am overwhelmingly appreciative. Thank you for keeping me in the loop, even when I wasn't quite ready to be there. There were so many times you called just to check up on me, but I wasn’t interested in talking. You told me that “there’s no clock for the soul,” that we are ready to heal only when our souls tell us that the time has come. And you were right, the time finally came and I was ready, and you helped me so much to talk about my mother and all that she meant to me. --- Marilyn, Coral Gables FL

As A Teacher… Everyone here was just too thrilled with you and everything that you taught us this weekend. Your ebullient personality both impressed and charmed members of both congregations. You spoke to us about death and the lessons we can learn about ourselves by how we respond to “the big and little deaths” in our lives. You took us on a journey from death to life, “from mourning to morning,” as you like to call it, and we are all more than a little bit wiser after your visit. ---Rabbi P., Austin, TX
Your session at the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism Biennial was outstanding! I gained a great deal from it and will be sharing it with many others in our community. ---Irv, Chicago IL

Hey Rabbi Mel: thanks for your insightful, and in the face of a dark subject, humorous words of teaching. I appreciate you and look forward to when my synagogue can learn more from you. I am also looking forward to reading your new book. Please let me know when it is published. ---"Rocky," San Diego, California

As A Rabbi… I admire the qualities that Mel brings to his rabbinate. His love of God, the Land and People of Israel and for all Jewish tradition is the wellspring from which he derives his ability to inspire through his teaching and concern for other human beings. His gentleness, humor, and ethical sensitivities all make him an ideal rabbi and counselor. ---Bill, New York, NY

Dr. Mel Glazer • Your Grief Matters
1.877.532-4246 (1.877.LECHAIM)
mel@yourgriefmatters.com • www.yourgriefmatters.com

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