Hello New Orleans

By Dr. Mel Glazer

I have loving cousins who live in New Orleans. They, like everyone else, had to evacuate their home and city during Hurricane Katrina. Fortunately for them, we have family in Atlanta, so that's where they went. Together with Rochelle and Bobby, there is high-school junior Justin, and my elderly Aunt Lil whose is in her 90s. Rochelle, Bobby and Justin moved to a residence hotel and Aunt Lil moved to a senior citizen residence. Last night I spoke to Rochelle who told me they were returning to New Orleans this week. Aunt Lil would be remaining behind in Atlanta.

Wow, I thought, is this a good decision or not? First, to move back to New Orleans means to move back to a city which is still not fully functioning as it needs to in order to support those who live there. Will there be enough government services? Police? Fire? School teachers? It turns out that the main reason they are moving back is so that Justin can resume his classes with his friends. After all, they have been in school together for eleven years, and he wants to be back with them in comfortable, safe and familiar surroundings.

The neighborhood where they live is on higher ground, so the damage is minimal. But they will be moving back home to a city with still has lots of problems. There is no downtown. The city is in shambles, it hardly looks or even sounds like the New Orleans they once knew and loved. Power is still off in many neighborhoods, and hospitals are not yet fully staffed. The question can honestly be asked: what kind of future awaits them? Why move back at all? Maybe staying in Atlanta is a better way to go.

On the other hand, I suspect that most of those who left New Orleans will by now be experiencing what I will call "a second disconnect." First, their city was destroyed and no one came to help them, so they had to leave. That was the first disconnect. By now, they are feeling like strangers in communities not their own, surrounded by caring and loving people who have reached out to help, but who by now are probably feeling something like, "okay, it's been nice to have you for a while, we're glad we could help you out when you needed us, but now please leave us alone so we can get back to our former normal lives."

This is a natural and normal feeling on the part of those who took New Orleaneans into their homes and schools and factories and communities. Here comes another disconnect, where again there is a feeling of being an alien in a strange land. So I can well understand Rochelle saying that they want to return home. Their home is their haven, and they miss it terribly. By the way, Aunt Lil is doing great in the Jewish Home in Atlanta--who would have thought? She has neighbors, staff to take care of her, food she likes, nearby relatives too come and visit, and so she's very happy. I'm sure this made Rochelle's decision much easier.

What is the right answer? I have no idea. I feel sad for my cousins and their friends who return, they are living in the middle of a dilemma with no solid solution. On the other hand, I guess that's what hope is--in the midst of ambiguity, the courage to move forward and to make a conscious decision that no matter what, there is a bright future to look forward to. And that is how she sounded last night on the phone. Good luck, my cousins, and good luck to all those who are coming home. May the New Year 2006 bring you all a renewed sense of belonging and safety and serenity and community. And most of all, peace.

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Dr. Mel Glazer • Your Grief Matters
1.877.532-4246 (1.877.LECHAIM)
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